With Arms Wide Open
Hi all! It had been a while since I wrote on my blog.
Partly because, writing the “Life in India” series bored me so much that I didn’t feel like writing for a long time.
But the main reason I didn’t show up was because we were busy preparing to welcome our second child!
It’s time to binge-listen to one of my old favorite songs to welcome new life :)
New Parents All Over Again
My wife and I welcomed our second child, a baby girl, earlier this November.
We find ourselves back in the endless loop of sleepless-nights, feeding/burping/diaper-changes and pediatric visits. Things however are so much easier this time around because we’ve got an army of people to help - cook, maid, driver to shuttle our son to school, grandparents to help around the house and keep our son engaged for sometime. And we parents get to decide when our parental leave ends :)
We also have a visiting nanny to bathe and cleanse the wife and our infant child. And holy crap, does it get tribal! What with coconut shells, saambraani smoke, special diets and other weird practises. My wife and I both cringe at these ancient rituals bordering superstition, but we play along.
Logistical Info for Interested Folks
We got a chance to compare and contrast our experiences with medical-services around pregnancy and delivery between the US (where our son was born) and India.
We consulted with the Malleswaram branch of Cloud-9 hospitals. We opted for their “Signature Package”, which falls somewhere in the middle between the primary “Deluxe” package and the fancier “Presidential” package.
All said and done, the total bill we had to foot was Rs. 2.5 lakhs. I haven’t bought any health insurance for ourselves since we came back to India and just paid it out of pocket. The source of funds was part-cash and part US travel credit cards (with no international transaction fees). I’ll pay off the card balance with my US checking account and won’t be touching my HSA money to cover these expenses. I’d like to let my HSA money continue to stay invested and grow in the US markets, and can always reimburse myself in the future for past expenses.
I’d rate our experience in India as slightly better because of the more personable, approachable human connection we felt with the doctors and hospital staff. But when it comes to infrastructure, systems and processes, I’d give a higher score to the El Camino hospital in Mountain View, California where our son was born.
Below’s a list of pros and cons I could think of that we experienced with the system during this second childbirth.
Pros
The suite we stayed in was luxurious.
Doctors are more personable. They don’t rush you and patiently answer all your questions. They don’t watch the clock or pressure you to leave soon as your time is up. Many doctors are accessible online and are happy to answer your queries over Whatsapp.
Service and hospitality of nurses and hospital staff was all mostly good. We inevitably had to deal with a few bored/indifferent nurses, but then bad nurses are everywhere. We had our share of rude, even racist nurses at the US hospital.
Quality healthcare is still very affordable for the upper-middle-class and you can get through the process without even an insurance and without having to go broke.
The hospital helps you get the child’s birth certificate so you don’t have to suffer through running around government offices or looking for an agent yourself.
Cons
We all know traffic sucks in Bangalore. Roads are pathetic. That made shuttling between home and hospital a hassle, even more so for late-stage pregnant ladies having to bounce in and out of uneven potholed roads.
Parking at the hospital is sometimes tight and finding a spot is stressful. They however offer complimentary valet service sometimes.
Appointment system is a joke. You never get attended to at the appointed times - there’s always an indefinite wait. Could be because doctors don’t rush patients as I mentioned in the pros section, which leads to extra wait times for subsequent patients.
Broken medical equipment doesn’t get fixed for a long time. My wife’s weight and blood pressure readings were always faulty. They took multiple readings and then hand-computed the average of the readings!
Poor orientation programs. They don’t prep you ahead of time for what’s in store during the day of delivery and after. There are no advance tours of the hospital rooms we’d be staying in.
Hospital cafeteria food was super crappy. There’s no concept of a pantry with complimentary coffee/tea.
Unless the husband is vocal and demands to be more involved throughout the process, the system doesn’t care about keeping the husband involved. I wasn’t allowed in during ultrasound scans and various other checkups. I was however let in during the C-section surgery and sat beside my wife behind a screen so I couldn’t see the gory procedure. But I was very curious and requested to watch what was going on on the other side of the screen, and the friendly doctor agreed. So I actually got to witness the doctors cut into my wife and the baby getting pulled out of the womb. Got some intense images seared in my memory.
This last one is serious. There’s a tendency among doctors in India to push for C-sections. Our first child in the US was C-section, but that was after the doctors there tried everything they could for a normal delivery. Now if the first is a C, it’s highly likely that the second would also be a C, so we didn’t bother too much with targeting for normal delivery. But for first time parents in India, this mindless and needless push toward C-section delivery is very concerning. There’s a whole documentary they made around this.
Pro or Con? You Decide
Not getting to know the baby’s gender until they’re born, to counteract the country’s systemic issue of female foeticide. We however enjoyed the suspense.
Not having to worry about searching for a name until after the child is born. Our daughter is currently nameless and we’ve been procrastinating shortlisting names.
I hardly have any knowledge or expertise to comment on this, but if you need to abort the baby due to medical reasons, I’ve heard the laws are relaxed in India. I’ve heard of an anecdotal incident where someone in the extended family flew from the US to India to abort their baby because despite a diagnosis of serious medical conditions, they were refused an abortion in the US.
Folks, don’t be deceived thinking we’re breezing through childcare all happy and laughing. Despite all the help, things still get stressful at times, especially with also having to manage our 4 year old who’s got major temper tantrums. Fights and arguments between me and my wife still do occur when stress and exhaustion overwhelm us.
I got a few more posts lined up. I’ll share some details on what our money situation looks like, and thoughts on trying something new for 2024.
Talk soon,
- Dog
Congratulations man
Congrats man!